Beautiful Mess

I do not believe everything happens for a reason. I also do not believe in a God, a good father that causes bad things to happen to His children. I know things happen. I also know that many things in this life that we walk through are hard to understand, especially when things that we “don’t deserve” fall on us.

I know I’ve shared in my own mess how there have been times that I have felt this way myself. There are even people that say to me, “you don’t deserve this” or “why do bad things happen to good people”. The same questions may have been asked by you about your own circumstances, about things you have been or even may currently be walking through. My friend is an example of one of those “good people” that is dealing with some hard, heavy, bad stuff right now. She is officially embarking on a brave journey come Tuesday when she has surgery to remove both breasts that carry a mutation that will likely develop cancer if not removed. Today, I write for my friend. Today I write for those of you that maybe like me, like her, don’t deserve what you have had happen to you. Today I write in hopes of encouraging others to make their mess a message.

That same friend that I am referring to, is the one that found out last October that her biological father had the breast cancer gene (BRCA 1), and then in December that she had it herself too, with a high probability of developing breast cancer in the near future. I don’t really still know or understand all the scientific details of this gene mutation or exactly how it works, but I do know that all of that is heavy. I know that it must suck to know that there is something in you that will almost definitely cause an aggressive cancer to take over, and you have to make the choice to wait and see and fight it when it comes, or, to go ahead and do all you can to get rid of it, to prevent it before it takes over. I know the decision was incredibly hard for my friend, and I know that she is so brave in deciding and moving forward in faith that this is the best option for her and that she will get through.

This friend is also the same friend that is a mother of four, a hard working woman that hustles to contribute to her family, and a friend to many, especially me. Just last year, beginning in August when we returned from our horrific experience, my surgery, and trauma in California, long before she even knew the road she would soon be walking down herself, this friend of mine stepped up to the plate to tote me around to my doctor’s visits and therapies, take me to lunch, and even retail therapy impromptus, but most importantly stand in my corner and cheer me on. She was there on the days I would come out of therapy in tears because I was in so much pain and feeling defeated as I was faced with the reality of my inabilities post wreck. She was there on the days I had to run to the bathroom during, before, or after our little lunch and shopping expeditions, because I was so nauseous from the anxiety, pain, or medications. She was even there when I had a break through after therapy and was able to bend my arm enough to reach my face again for the first time in months as we shouted to all of Home Goods that I could “touch my face”, and then celebrated with some Thai soup that I was also able to spoon myself that day for the first time since the collision as well. She was there to remind me that I could do this, that I was strong, that I was supported, and that I was loved.

Today I am writing to remind her of the same, to encourage her that I along with many are here for her just the same. I am here to remind her that just as she has poured so much of herself to bless and encourage me, I am certain that God is going to pour His supernatural comfort, peace, and strength into her as she walks this road.

I do not believe that my family got hit head on by a drunk driver last year, injuring me to the point that I am still not fully healed, for a reason. I do not believe I deserved it, nor that there is any way that God caused it to happen. I don’t believe such for my friend either. I don’t believe any of the things that fall upon us in this world that are meant to harm us are on purpose, however, I believe we can use them for a purpose. I believe just as Psalms 37:23 and especially verse 24 says, “The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, And He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the LORD upholds him with His hand.” I believe that though we fall, be it fault of our own or things out of our control, the Lord upholds us with His mighty, strong hand.

As I woke up this morning with a heavy heart, really not even sure that I was going to blog today, I read this verse of the day, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11. Though we may not be able to find out the work of God from beginning to end, nor understand or make sense of the things in this life that we deal with, we must believe that He has made and will make everything beautiful in its time. I’m confident He is doing that for me, He will do this for my friend, and that while things don’t happen for a reason, we can take those things through the grace of God (that we also by the way don’t even deserve), and make our mess a message for Him that can encourage the hearts of others. What a beautiful life, what a beautiful mess, all by the grace of God.

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