“I’m fine, it’s fine, it’s all going to be fine.” Chances are if you have to start a sentence with this f word, or three, all floating around, it’s not really fine! This is the place that I’ve been in over the last few weeks, finding myself responding with just that as many people are asking questions, and me feeling the need to have it all together now that it’s been a full year since our traumatic car collision. A place where things are not really fine, yet I feel this pressure, this need to appear like after this long, I am magically fine. This is NOT fine. Don’t mistake the need to persevere and push through the things in life that get us down, whether big or small, but the need to be honest about where we’re at and lay those feelings before God first, takes precedent over perseverance and certainly over appearance.
There seems to be a pressure among us as a people in today’s world-as leaders, as parents, and especially as mothers, to appear as if we’ve always got it under control. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t need to walk through life a hot mess, airing out our dirty laundry and problems to everyone, definitely not by way of social media as we hop on Facebook or Twitter to get our rant on and lay it all out for the world to see, but we must learn in the face of the almighty God, to lay it all out before Him and Him alone.
King Hezekiah did just that as you read his story in the book of 2 Kings. The king of Assyria had been going all over Israel kicking butt and taking names. He had conquered many cities and he let Hezekiah know he was coming for him next, for Jerusalem. He sent word via a messenger and then a letter basically scoffing at the one true God in which Hezekiah served saying that there was no way this God would protect them. The Bible says in 2 Kings 19:1, “And so it was, when King Hezekiah heard it, that he tore his clothes, covered himself with sackcloth, and went into the house of the LORD.” And in verse 14, “Hezekiah received the letter from the hand of the messengers, and read it; and Hezekiah went up to the house of the LORD, and spread it before the LORD.” I share these two verses specifically as they are very noteworthy parts of Hezekiah’s story. He was outnumbered, and likely afraid as the king of Assyria’s track record of wiping out and taking over was obvious, yet as a leader, as king, he ripped off his clothes, covered himself with burlap-a sign of mourning, grief, or loss in the old testaments of the Bible- and literally laid it all out before the Lord. This says a lot. Hezekiah did end up winning the battle, but the most notable part of this story was his honesty before almighty God in striping himself of everything that appeared that he had it together (even his clothes) and laying it all out to ask for help, understanding that only God could fight the battle.
We have to, have to, HAVE TO, lay it all out before God. Continuing to stuff it down, pull up our boot straps, and deal, will eventually end in explosion whether it be in the form of anger, anxiety, panic, or worse. I have found this to be true in my own walk through pain and healing from the trauma I experienced. I have found that as much as I’d like to hold it together and appear like everything is fine, I have to be real that I am not, when I’m not-especially before I come to God to kneel before Jesus. He of all people, sees my pain, anger, frustrations, and disappointments, because He was not spared any kind of feelings as He walked this earth as a human, just like you and me. Hebrews 4:14 explains, “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.” He is not just a high priest, He is the Highest, the perfect, spotless Lamb of God who took on the sins of the world, who felt it all and cares about you and me, and how we feel. He is the only perfect example of a person, of the person, who went through it all, ultimately sacrificing His very life, yet always laying it all out before God before walking through it. I am especially reminded of this in the Garden of Gethsemane as He laid it out before God to the point of actual blood, sweat, and tears, praying His last prayer before enduring the cross.
We are to follow this perfect example. We are to strive to be like Jesus and understand that out of everyone, He especially knows how we feel. I am encouraged in this example, in this permission, to stand honest before God with how I’m really feeling and where I’m really at in my journey. I don’t have to have it altogether or be ashamed of my pain, because my Savior sees me, He sympathizes with me, and He has covered me with His grace. Don’t hold it in, lay it out. Be real and make 1 Peter 5:6-7 your go to, “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”
