In honor of our baby girl Kirie Jaelynn getting baptized today, I am piggy backing off some of the information I shared in last week’s blog post (“Train Up a Child”, go check it out if you haven’t yet-shameless plug haha). I want to talk about our little girl today and specifically how her coming into this world ignited a deeper faith in me, especially in learning that God always has a plan, a purpose, and a will far greater than anything we could ever ask or think. “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,” Ephesians 3:20.
Learning at just shy of 28 weeks pregnant that I had a placental abruption and that at any moment my placenta could rip away from my uterus giving us only 20 minutes to deliver before my baby and I would both bleed out, caused some serious fear, anxiety, and disappointment. I found myself in a place far from the initial feelings of thankfulness for our precious gift from above that was growing inside of me. I got to the point that I didn’t even know what to think, ask, or pray because I was so afraid and upset. I thank God for Paul explaining in Romans what the Holy Spirit is able to do for us during these times. In talking about persevering through sufferings with hope, Paul goes on to write in Romans 8:26, “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” I mean, wow, isn’t that powerful! We don’t even have to have the words to pray, and the Holy Spirit Himself speaks on our behalf and continues to work within us to stir up hope, all through faith. This season in our lives was definitely one of these times. A time where I did not know what to pray. A time where I most certainly did not feel strong enough to push through on my own. A time where I was afraid to even hope. A time where I had to accept that regardless of what I wanted to happen, God’s will for both mine and our baby’s lives was better than mine.
Unfortunately, many of the lessons I learned through this time were not until much after, when, by the grace of God, that healthy, beautiful baby girl was born at 37 weeks and 3 days. I hate to admit, but it wasn’t until after, that God showed me the blessings, and especially the lessons I could learn from my sufferings, one of the most important ones being the refueling of my faith through receiving such a gift, knowing that even though I couldn’t see it, God was working the entire time as He was forming her in my womb.
I would imagine that Jairus in the Bible, felt much the same way as I did. You see, his daughter had fallen ill, very ill to the point of death. Jairus went looking for Jesus, knowing He could heal her. Jairus fell at Jesus’ feet and begged Him to walk with him back to his house so that Jesus could do just that. It was in the journey back though, that Jesus walked at such a pace that He was able to perform another miracle on the way. I am sure that Jairus as he was leading Jesus back to his house had some moments of fear, anxiety, and disappointment, seeing that things were not moving as quickly as he’d hoped in his desperate situation. I am sure that Jairus didn’t even know what to ask, think, or say to Jesus, the son of God, the man that could heal his daughter, and the one who ultimately knew what was best for her. I am especially sure that those feelings set in even stronger upon their arrival to his house, finding out that they were too late and that his daughter had already died. But then Jesus. Then Jesus the Bible in Luke 8:52-55, says, “Now all wept and mourned for her; but He said, “Do not weep; she is not dead, but sleeping.” And they ridiculed Him, knowing that she was dead. But He put them all outside, took her by the hand and called, saying, “Little girl, arise.” Then her spirit returned, and she arose immediately.”
Wow. What a resurrection! What a story! I can’t imagine the thoughts Jairus had, I can’t imagine the pain he was probably feeling. I can’t imagine his joy when his daughter arose. I also can’t begin to understand the will of God, but I’d like to think that healing Jairus’ daughter was less about whether or not He was going to heal her and more about the way He was going to heal her and the impact that would have on Jairus’ faith. He healed her in such a way that likely ignited a deeper faith in Jairus that had never been lit quite like that before. Isn’t it just like Jesus to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can even ask or think in order to resurrect our faith and restore our joy?
Maybe like Jairus, like me, you are walking through something and you are unsure what to ask, how to think, or feel. Regardless of the uncertainty, remain sure of one thing, faith in Jesus. We may not have all the answers or even the right questions to vocalize our feelings, but through remaining patient and trusting the one who knows it all, we have all that we need. Jairus had faith enough to go to Jesus and that’s all he needed for God to propel him into a deeper understanding of that faith. Believe that He is able and intercedes for us, even when we are not. Don’t lose heart and by “looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2), let a new, deeper faith ignite within you.
The season of carrying Kirie was painful, confusing, and scary. I didn’t know what to think, ask, or feel during those 10 long weeks of uncertainty. But today, as our baby girl will step into the Gulf of Mexico professing publicly Jesus Christ as her Savior and Lord as she is baptized, I know that God has already done exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ever ask or think for her life. I know that during that season of pain and uncertainty, He showed up big by teaching me from the start that I was not in control of her life, that He had a future and a hope for her, and because of His grace, I was entrusted with the gift of raising her, bringing my faith to life every day that I get to be her mom and see Jesus work in her life. It didn’t matter what I thought or asked, He was still there covering our Kirie just as the psalmist writes in Psalms 139:13, “For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.” I am grateful for His covering, gifts, lessons, blessings, and grace, always giving me exceedingly and abundantly more than I deserve.
