My favorite coin phrase through my journey of healing and finding my new “normal” post car collision has been “its been a roller coaster.” Roller coaster of emotions, roller coaster of pain, roller coaster in and out of comfort. There have been times just when I had gotten comfortable with the way things were, that extreme bouts of pain, sadness, exhaustion, confusion, and even anger would show up and throw me for a loop. Post surgery number two was definitely one of those times.
While a plate and screws were necessary to stabilize my broken bones, especially being that they were severed right in the joint, my bone structure and build could not support them. My orthopedist called me a “unicorn” with such a small bone structure that even though they put in the smallest plate necessary, it was too big for my frame. I was having difficulty with range of motion especially, and my body was somewhat rejecting this foreign object, putting me at risk for developing full blown complex regional pain syndrome-something that if you get the chance to read about, is not at all fun to progress into and live with. So long story short, after I had learned to cope and deal with my arm, specifically wrist in this case, the way that it was, I had to take some steps back and have another surgery to remove the plate and screws within.
While I am now, six months post surgery number two, it has proven to be very beneficial, putting me ahead and in a good place with everything, but the weeks and months following the surgery, brought some of my lowest points of this ride. About a month out, I finally reached a point of nearly rock bottom. Being sick of being in so much pain and not really being able to use my arm to do the things I needed to do, I threw myself a little pity party before bed one night. Something about going through the whole process again, even being bandaged up and such, brought back the memory and anxiety of the initial injury. I was very down and cried to my husband that I was just tired-physically, emotionally, and even spiritually in a place where I felt like I couldn’t even pray anymore. I had convinced myself that no one cared to hear about my situation anymore nor be asked to pray for me, and that even God was tired of my praying to take my pain away and to help me through. It was one of those “nobody loves me everybody hates me” moments in which I had decided that I deserved a day of sulking. I cried and cried and told myself that I was going to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself the entire next day. I wasn’t taking kids to school, going to therapy, showering, or getting out of bed. I was going to stay there and bask in my misery.
Waking up the next morning to do just that, I did decide to go ahead and read the verse of the day, and God gave me this, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” I Corinthians 10:13. And just like that, He shut down my pity party. A few things seemingly leapt out of the Bible from this verse and pulled me back up quickly. #1: GOD IS FAITHFUL. Regardless of my circumstances, my set backs, feelings, and emotions, He is still faithful. #2: He will always make a way of escape so that we may be able to bear whatever we are walking through, be it temptations, testing, pain, suffering; GOD WILL MAKE A WAY. Immediately upon reading this I knew that God was reminding me that I was not walking through anything that I couldn’t handle. I was also encouraged and reminded of one my very favorite verses from my Savior himself in 2 Corinthians, “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Even in my weakness and times of pity, days I felt like I couldn’t even get out of the bed, He is there, He is faithful, He is strengthening me, and He will make a way for me to bear it.
I did get up that day and the encouragement I got from the Word was just the beginning of the times of encouragement to follow that were so divine that they can’t be explained as anything else but from God. Moments of encouragement, strength, and grace that I would not ever want to take back or reverse. God showed up through His word, and He even sent people into my life over those next few weeks to really remind me that He cared and so did they.
Just weeks after my short lived, little pity party, I got a knock on my door. Upon answering it, I nervously let a lady in as she came bearing gifts, me thinking she was likely from our church. In handing me a bag full of goodies: a card, devotional, and an envelope full of cash, she explained that she was NOT from my church, however, from an anonymous group of ladies named “12 Ordinary Women”. As I was thanking her, yet telling her I couldn’t dare accept such a generous gift from people I didn’t even know, she went on to explain that I in fact had to accept the gift as I was anonymously submitted and chosen by the group to be prayed for and blessed by. It then hit me again immediately like the verse of the day had, that I was wrong in my thinking of feeling sorry for myself as if no one cared about me and what I was walking through anymore. Not only did God himself along with all of my friends and family care, but He even sent a lady representing twelve ordinary, random, anonymous women that I didn’t even know to remind me that people did in fact care and were still praying for me during my time of need. You see, God not only will make a way to escape, but He will make a way for us to bear what we are walking through, in my case, a reminder through this group of women.
His moments are like none other. His promises are true. He is faithful. His grace is sufficient. While pain is real, emotions come and go, and I continue to somewhat ride the roller coaster, God has been with me every step of the way. May I never get in the place again that I feel alone, that I feel left in this journey because my God said to me, through the Word and through the people He sent to bless me, “My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in your weakness.” So today I openly share this time of difficulty, of pain and despair, and I boast in my weakness so that His Power may rest upon me.
