Train Up A Child

Last week our family experienced our first high school event with our son Kieran. HOCO, the new trendy way to say Homecoming, just so happened to be an event that was “kind of a big deal”. I mean I don’t really remember even going to a homecoming event myself aside from maybe going to a bonfire on a Thursday night, cheering at the football game Friday night, and possibly popping in to the dance either right after the game in my uniform or maybe semi dressed up on a Saturday night!? Regardless of what we actually did when I was in high school, I am certain there were no HOCO proposals, fancy clothes, expensive flowers, high end dinners, dances, and after parties like all that the high school kids (now including my son) now a days experience. In my opinion it was a bit over the top and stressful, and mainly if I were to admit why it was stressful, sending him off for such a “big boy” event made me feel like losing control of him was now closer than ever before. Don’t get me wrong, we are still VERY involved in the decision making, monitoring, and guiding, but I feel like we are closer to the going part in Proverbs 22:6 than we are the training up part (“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”).

While I still have a hard time every year knowing that my kids are another year older and a little closer to “the way they should go”, I honestly feel like I have learned early on that they were not in fact ever “mine” to start with. We know that the Bible says in James 1:17, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” While we know that our babies are a gift from God, I think we often times miss that fact that they are not a gift that belongs to us, rather a gift lent to us that we have a responsibility to train up with a heart for Him. Psalms 24:1 says, “The earth is the LORD’s, and all its fullness, The world and those who dwell therein.” I know I have a hard time remembering that I am not my own and relinquishing my right to control things for myself most of the time, let alone remembering that for my kids.

When I say I learned the lesson early on with both Kieran and Kirie being gifts belonging to God entrusted in my care, I am definitely reminded of my traumatic pregnancy with Kirie. At 27 weeks pregnant I learned after what looked like a murder scene as I woke up one morning, that I had a placental abruption. The organ during pregnancy that is responsible for carrying all the blood, oxygen, and nutrients to the baby had started to tear away from my uterus. After being sent back home and put on bed rest, another bad bleed earned me an ambulance ride to the ICU in Pensacola, Florida (an hour and a half away from where we live). I stayed in that hospital for a month and a half on bed rest, but somehow through the grace of God and even after another bleed the morning after I returned home, we got to come home to our doctor and deliver our baby at 37 weeks and 3 days with not a single complication, well besides me having to push a darn hour with no epidural, but I survived and so did she! After such a difficult pregnancy and time as to where nothing seemed under control, God quickly revealed to me that I needed to learn early on that I was not in control of that 5lb 7oz baby girl. She belonged to Him and He had great plans for her, further than I could even ask or think and that I had been entrusted to care for and train her up for God. Wow! In the words of our dear pastor, “That’ll preach!”

Much the same was revealed to me when I became Kieran’s mom. I didn’t physically birth that boy, but I have chosen, loved, and embraced him from the moment I met him. He is certainly an extra special gift far from the way one would ordinarily receive, and I know that God himself chose me to raise and train him up. He has always been wise beyond his years, kind to a fault, and a leader that I know God is going to use for BIG things in this world.

What a honor, what a blessing it is to even have children, but even more so that the creator of the universe specifically made those babies for me to raise and train up. In trusting me and answering my prayer, what a gift, what a responsibility, what a privilege I’ve been given. No one better than Hannah in the Bible understood this. It is from her we get that often quoted verse from 1 Samuel 1:27, “For this child I have prayed”. But in her praying after being so desperate and unable to conceive, she not only promised that if God gave her a baby that she would commit to train him up up for the Lord, but she actually promised to give him back to God’s service, meaning to the leaders of the church to train up to be a man of God. The rest of that verse reads, “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” 1 Samuel‬ ‭1:27

I know far to well how easy it is to say that we are training up our kids to know the Lord and His ways, but really, how hard is it to commit yourself under the Lord and His control, especially in responding, raising, and planning for your kids. I have had the privilege of personally leading both of ours to the Lord (Kirie just this past June), and even in knowing that especially now that each one belongs to Him, I find myself often struggling with loosening that grip and mistaking training up for owning many of times, thinking I know what’s best for them and can protect them better than anyone else. I mean how many times have you heard that saying “I brought you into this world and I can take you out”!? I mean I have never actually said that myself, ehhem, but I’m sure y’all have heard it. As I am still a work in progress myself, but as I grow and learn to lean on the Lord, I hope that this encourages you as parents to do the same in training up your kids. It really is the most important job as a parent that you will ever have.

Just yesterday my baby girl fell off some playground equipment onto her face, skinning up her face badly and possibly even breaking her nose (prayers that the X-ray comes back today to show differently). Y’all, I know I’ve told you that when we were in this car collision that I can’t even begin to describe the fear I felt, thinking that my kids had been hurt, but on the flip side, I also can’t explain the peace in knowing in those moments of uncertainty, even for my very own life, of that reminder that those kids were not mine, but God’s and how much more than me could He, would He, protect them. He reminded me of those lessons that I had learned early on that they already belonged to Him and quietened my fears with His whispers of promise over their lives. Just as He promised to deliver His children, His chosen people to the promised, land in the Bible, He whispered to me His promise for my children ultimately His, His chosen people by reminding me of Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope”.

In times of anger, disappointment, HOCO dances, first dates, and especially in times of fear, remember to trust in the Lord for your kids, remember all the training up you’ve done, and loosen that grip of control knowing that God’s promises are true and that through your training them up, you have equipped them to venture off in the way they should go, to make the right choices, and to be covered with God’s grace when they mess up. It’s a relief to know that you can’t control everything for them, because the God of the universe has them in the palm of His hand and can do far better with them than you could ever ask or think. Rest in that promise today and continue to “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.”