Trust, Obedience, Faith

She had just lost her husband. With his line of work there wasn’t a retirement, inheritance, or really anything left behind to support their debt or her and her two sons. She was faced with losing everything and all she had was a small amount of olive oil. This is a story of trust, obedience, and faith. The Bible tells us the account of this widow in 2 Kings. She came to Elisha, God’s servant, with her current reality and the uncertainty she was faced with. Elisha told her in faith to obey and trust God with what she had (the small amount of oil) by gathering as many empty jars as she could and filling them with it. So in doing just that, she began to pour and pour filling exceedingly and abundantly more than what seemed possible and the Bible says in verse 6-7, “Now it came to pass, when the vessels were full, that she said to her son, “Bring me another vessel.” And he said to her, “There is not another vessel.” So the oil ceased. Then she came and told the man of God. And he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debt; and you and your sons live on the rest.” And just like that through trust, obedience, and faith, God made her crooked path straight and provided during her time of need and uncertainty.

Uncertainty has come up often through the road I’ve been walking on and I’ve mentioned it several times in past posts. There are many areas of my life that are still full of uncertainty, doubts, and many questions-mainly with my arm still causing pain and the inability to work, which adds stress to our family financially.

After a full year post car collision and the initial surgery on my arm, I am still left with much pain and uncertainty of what my end all/“new normal” with this arm will be. I lost so much-skin, ligaments, and even bone when my arm was ripped open and grated down-that there was extensive damage that I’m still dealing with today. With all the repairing, rebuilding, and putting back together, scar tissue formed, causing additional pain and inhibiting range of motion and especially nerve function. Nerve pain is no joke. Nerve rejuvenation is such a slow, unpredictable process. I can be brushing my teeth, taking a walk, or let’s not even mention someone brushing up against my arm, and my nerves fire off. All this is normal they say. Be patient they say. Nerves take a long time they say. Wait. Keep doing therapy. Let’s just see. So unpredictable, so uncertain.

My career as a teacher is another thing I’m struggling with currently losing. While it comes with lots of stress, pressure, and problems, it is my passion. It’s what I feel I have been gifted to do and called to be. Unfortunately though, through much prayer, discussions, and advice from my husband, friends, and the medical professionals privy to my condition, I felt it best to take another school year off to allow myself to fully heal before returning. Especially now that it’s August, as my colleagues officially return to work today, as the familiar feelings of the anticipation of prepping a classroom, meeting new students, and starting the new school year have been flooding in over the past few weeks, I am left confused, doubting my decision, and disappointed. The feelings seem to overtake me, especially of that same disappointment I felt this time a year ago knowing our lives had been turned upside down, and all of my plans had been destroyed.

But y’all, God did not leave me then amidst the confusion, fear, pain, disappointment, and complete uncertainty, so I know, a year later, when things are yes, still uncertain, but SO much better, that God is not going to leave me now. I know when these feelings and the need to control arise, I have to stop, surrender, and trust almighty God. The one who didn’t leave me then, and will not leave me now.

In reminding myself of this truth, I am reminded of that story of the widow that I started with. I am reminded of the empty vessels mirroring that of me and where I’m at, and in my need, God filling me back up. I am reminded that peace comes after obedience. I am reminded of the promise in Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

My path is uncertain. My disappointment, fear, and anxiety is currently high, but I am choosing to trust in the Lord with what little I have, knowing that it’s way more than I had a year ago, knowing that if God worked out what seemed impossible then, that He will certainly work it out now, because He is that same God. He is almighty God, the same yesterday, today, and forevermore, always directing my path, whether it seems certain or not, creating my very own story of trust, obedience, and faith, all by His grace.